No one would ever describe divorce as easy, but when emotions run high and conflict becomes the norm, the process can take a serious toll on your mental health. A contentious divorce, especially one involving a difficult spouse or a spouse with a personality disorder, demands more than legal strategy—it requires emotional resilience, too. Understanding how to manage your mental well-being during this time is important to navigating the stress and uncertainty, so no matter what happens during your divorce, keep your mental health in center focus.
Understanding the Emotional Impact of a Contentious Divorce
Divorces can stir up a whirlwind of emotions, ranging from sadness and grief to anger and frustration. Such feelings are normal, but they can feel overwhelming during a contentious or contested divorce. The added strain of dealing with a high-conflict spouse—especially one with manipulative tendencies or a personality disorder like narcissistic or borderline personality—can intensify feelings of stress, anxiety, and even hopelessness.
Acknowledging these emotions is the first step toward coping. It’s okay to feel upset, hurt, or uncertain. Bottling up feelings only compounds the pressure. Instead, give yourself the space to process your emotions in healthy ways. Recognizing that this is a challenging chapter—not a permanent state—can help ease some of the emotional weight you may feel right now.
Practical Self-Care Strategies to Maintain Emotional Stability
Try to take care of your emotional and physical well-being during the turbulent times created by a divorce. While you can’t control every aspect of a contentious divorce, you can control how you take care of yourself.
Some practical self-care strategies to help protect your mental health during a divorce include:
- Building a routine: Routines help create stability. Simple activities like exercising, eating balanced meals, and maintaining a consistent sleep schedule can have a huge impact on how you feel. A 30-minute walk or incorporating healthy foods like fruits and vegetables into your diet can give you the energy and mental clarity you need to tackle daily challenges.
- Taking breaks from conflict: Dealing with an uncooperative or high-conflict spouse can be draining. If conflicts escalate, give yourself permission to step away. Small "timeouts" can help you regain composure and process what’s happening instead of reacting impulsively.
- Journaling and reflection: Writing down your thoughts, fears, and accomplishments can be a therapeutic way to gain clarity. A journal provides a private space where you can vent emotions, reflect on your progress, and focus on what really matters to you.
- Setting boundaries: Contentious divorces often involve toxic communication, so try to set boundaries for your emotional safety. Consider limiting conversations to essential topics, like parenting plans or legal matters, and rely on email, other written communication methods, or representation from a family lawyer to minimize confrontations.
Seeking Professional Support
Beyond self-care to preserve your mental health, you should also consider professional support options, such as:
- Working with a therapist: A licensed therapist can be an anchor during turbulent times, providing valuable tools for managing stress, processing emotions, and setting healthy boundaries. Therapy types like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or trauma-informed care are particularly effective if you’re dealing with the emotional aftermath of conflict or manipulation.
- Engaging a legal team you can trust: A divorce should be handled with the help of professional lawyers. Hiring an experienced attorney who understands the challenges of high-conflict divorces can ease your burden. Knowing that someone is advocating for your best interests allows you to focus on your mental and emotional well-being.
- Support groups and community networks: Talking to others who’ve experienced similar situations can be validating. Divorce support groups, either in person or online, provide a safe space where you can share your story and learn from others' experiences. Knowing you’re not alone can make a significant difference in how you cope.
Utilizing Available Resources
When facing the stress of a contentious divorce, having the right resources at your fingertips can make a world of difference.
Consider the following tools to support your mental health during a divorce:
- Books and podcasts: Find self-help books or podcasts focused on divorce, mental health, and moving forward after high-conflict situations.
- Apps for mental health: Meditation and mental health apps, like Calm or Headspace, offer quick and easy ways to ground yourself during emotionally difficult moments. (Gill Law Group, PC is not sponsored by or affiliated with the Calm and Headspace apps.)
Tips for Moving Forward Emotionally
While the divorce process may seem all-consuming right now, it's important to focus on what comes next. Look ahead to a future that’s free from ongoing conflict with an uncooperative spouse. Begin to set realistic goals and envision what a healthy, peaceful life post-divorce looks like for you. Healing is a process, and with time, you’ll find balance and joy again.
Need Legal Help? Reach Out Now
If you are in a divorce or want to start a divorce in Orange County, start by reaching out to Gill Law Group, PC. Our attorneys help people throughout the region make sense of difficult divorces, including those involving a spouse with a personality disorder that only adds to the complications. We would be happy to help you get through your divorce as calmly as possible, so you can protect your mental health each step along the way.
Call (949) 681-9952 to schedule a meeting with a divorce lawyer in Orange County.